Crankies

I thought about writing a post about my crankiness when it comes to Breast Cancer Awareness month.  But then it occurs to me that maybe I'm so aware of it because I go to a gym in a hospital to work out.  Maybe in other parts of the world, people aren't even aware of this month as having special cancer awareness.

Does other cancer warrant a whole month?  Maybe I'm just blissfully unaware of Colon Cancer Awareness month.

Now, before I go further, a few disclaimers.  Yes, I've lost people to cancers of all sorts, and yes, I understand the importance of early intervention.

But why no Lung Cancer Awareness month?  Lung cancer kills more women each year than any other kind of cancer.

Why no Ovarian Cancer Awareness month?  Imagine what might happen if the same resources went to solving ovarian cancer as we've spent on breast cancer.  Right now, most women won't discover that they have ovarian cancer until it's far too late.  What if we could develop some kind of test that would insure early detection?

I could write a feminist essay about how breasts have more cachet in our patriarchal culture, and thus, it's easy to have a breast cancer awareness month.  Lungs just don't have that same kind of pretty sex appeal.

I could write an investigative essay about how various foundations and individual crusaders have taken their personal battles to new levels.  What if one of those early crusaders had suffered from ovarian cancer instead of breast cancer?

But then I wonder if I should be writing about any of this at all.  Maybe I shouldn't let my crankiness get the best of me.

Yesterday at the office was one of those days that tested my optimism in so many ways.  Lots of fallout from badly executed decisions--not my decisions, but I'm left to deal with the negativity.  I can deal with one or two bits of negativity in any given day, but hour after hour challenges my optimism.

Here's my biggest fear:  I think of myself as an optimistic person, but what if I'm deluded?  What if I whine and complain so much that people avoid me?

I'm hoping that if I have a fear of becoming a negative force that my fear will help me be alert so that I don't allow that to happen.  I'm hoping that I can have a day when I succumb to crankiness, that people will forgive me, that I can rise to a new, optimistic morning.

So, I will try to let go of my crankiness about Breast Cancer Awareness month by being grateful for my own good health, by saying prayers for those stricken by disease, by hoping for a world where cells never go cancerous.  I'll try to let go of my work crankiness by remembering how many people would be grateful to have a job, even if it involves dealing with the crankiness of coworkers.  I'll take my time-honored way of righting myself:  by writing my way back to my true nature.