Anxieties and Therapies

Once again, I dreamed that I was realizing that we still owned a house that we thought we had sold.  I first had this type of anxiety dream a few weeks ago--although as I'm thinking about it, it's the kind of dream that pops up periodically. These current dreams have some similarities, like the need to call our realtor to find out what's going on. 

When I woke up from the dream, there was a thunderstorm, and I decided to stay awake. We should be entering the rainy season in South Florida, but it's hard to know.  It's that summery time of year where it seems like we should be getting afternoon and evening thunderstorms after excessively warm days, but so far we haven't been--so the thought of being awake for a very early morning thunderstorm appealed to me. Plus I went to bed early, so it was time to get up.

I probably won't walk this morning. With my hand/wrist/lower arm in a cast, I need to be aware of the weather. Also I'm just feeling worn out.

Yesterday was my second session with the hand physical therapist, so that might account for some of my tiredness. Yesterday session was much like the first one last week:  primarily an extensive hand massage with stretching of the fingers. There was a little pain but nothing too intense.

I did a few additional exercises, like pulling a towel towards me and pushing the folds away.  The physical therapist put a marble on the table and said, “You probably can't pick that up.”  But then I did. She then dumped a handful of marbles on the towel, and I proceeded to pick them up and put them back in the container. It felt like a huge accomplishment.

I am trying not to think of how far I still have to go to get full mobility in my fingers, and then after that in my wrist. Yesterday before the appointment, I felt despair and a bit of self-pity.  The appointment improved my mood, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I felt I was making progress. Maybe because I saw others in worse shape than me. I am trying not to think about the fragility of moving through the world in a human body.

No, let me remember how many miracles surround us as humans in a body. Physical therapy can do remarkable things.  We can learn to adapt. I continue to remind myself that if I have been living 150 years ago, I'd be in much worse shape with this kind of injury.