Retreat Chef

I have spent this week-end down at the Isle of Palms (near Charleston, SC), being part of a team that cooked for a retreat.  I used to cook for larger groups more often, so I knew I could do it.  But I'm also relieved that we're coming to the end of the retreat, and it's been a success.

We were helped by the fact that it's a group of people who are easy to cook for:  no dietary restrictions, no allergies.  We made pork tenderloin last night, and everyone ate it, and many went back for seconds.  Most of the participants spend much time in caring professions and providing care for family members--it's been years since anyone cooked for them, and they haven't been shy about expressing their gratitude.

It's an amazing kitchen--that helps too.  The kitchen has 2 dishwashers, 2 stoves, and 3 refrigerators.  It's got lots of equipment and all the basics, like dishes and silverware, every type of pot and pan, baking containers in every size and shape.

It hasn't all been cooking.  There's been Bible study and worship and lots of great conversation.  Back in October, on a chilly morning walk, when I agreed to help with the retreat, I hoped it would be this kind of experience.

It's been interesting being back at this retreat center, which is one of two Lutheran retreat centers in South Carolina.  I first came here as part of a campus group long ago in 1983.  My family came here in 1984 with a church group; it was the beginning of summer, and I wondered how I would last without seeing my college friends for a WHOLE SUMMER.

Now I'm thinking about coming back here at some point this summer to reconnect with old friends. 

I haven't done much grading, but I still have time.  Grades are due on Monday and Tuesday--plenty of time, but as I tell my students in the waning days of a term, not as much time as we once had.  I haven't done much writing, but there is plenty of time--a WHOLE SUMMER.

World Labyrinth Day 2026

   Today is World Labyrinth Day.   It's celebrated the first Saturday of May.

For more on labyrinths, this website is full of information. 

Below is  a poem-like thing with some of my favorite pictures of labyrinths I have known and loved:

We have walked labyrinths
made of fabric, made in fields,
laid out in tiles
or offered by cathedrals.

We have relied
on the promises of the labyrinth:
one path in, no dead ends,
no false turns, not a maze.

We have trusted
that the path leads
to a center that can hold
us all in all our complexities.

May Day Retreats

Today, instead of dancing around a Maypole or going to a protest march, I will load up the car and head down to the Coastal Retreat Center at the Isle of Palms.  This week-end's adventure: cooking for the week-end, in support of a deaconess friend of mine who got a grant to create this retreat.  She has a vision of a retreat before the hoopla of Mother's Day, a time to be apart together before we fall apart (she's got a snappier title that I can't remember right now).

I have friends, old friends, who live in the South Carolina Lowcountry near the Isle of Palms.  I thought about trying to see them during our bit of afternoon free time, but I decided not to try to see anyone.  Far better to arrange a separate trip later in the summer or fall.  In my free time, if there is any, I need to be grading:  I have one set of grades due on Monday and another set on Tuesday.

If there's any additional time, I need to remember that I do have two papers due for my Lutheran Confessions class.  I keep hoping that I might get feedback on the two papers that I've written since the first paper, but soon I'll just write the last two and hope for the best.

Yesterday I did many things, but writing a blog post was not one of them.  I created a master shopping list for the retreat so my friend could get the food at Costco.  I baked many batches of cookies and two cakes for the retreat--and ran 4 loads of dishes through the dishwasher.  I went to my Lutheran Confessions class, which meets by way of Zoom.  I took care of some financial stuff. I took a walk.  I sent e-mails to students to remind them that they needed to meet the final exam deadline, and I answered a few e-mails.

Today's blog post will be short--let me attend to students before doing the tasks that must be done before departure.

Poetry Creating Notes at the End of a Term

It's been a week of bits and pieces in terms of poetry.  Let me record some of them here:

--In my end of the semester cleaning up of the paperwork piles, I discovered lots of rough drafts of poems.  A few of them had some potential.  A few I couldn't remember where I thought the draft might be going.  A few I didn't remember writing at all.

It was good to remember that I did more than my computer files might indicate.

--I was making some poetry submissions to literary journals before the bulk of submitting season winds down.  There are moments when I wonder why I bother.  But the occasional acceptance still makes me happy, so I persist.

--As I was looking through my file of finished poems, I realized that I had reviewed a rough draft twice, once back in January when I first finished the rough draft and then again in April, when I had no memory of revising it back in January.  I haven't circled back to see which draft I like better.  It does bother me a bit that I had no memory of doing the original revision.

--On Monday, I was thinking about the trinity of nuclear war movies of the 80's, and I listened to this podcast about them and other nuclear war movies, including House of Dynamite.  As I drove down to Spartanburg, a line floated through my head:  The apocalypse will not be televised.  Once my students started writing, I put poem ideas on paper and ended up with a fairly good draft, just two hours after the line flitted through my head.

It's not the way I usually create poems, so I was happy to have that experience, especially in a very busy week.

The Last Day of Class

I had thought I might go for a walk a bit early to try to beat the thunderstorms that I can see on the radar, a large line heading our way.  But thunder rumbles outside, so I will stay put for a bit.  I'm not complaining--we're in desperate need of rain.

Today is the last day of in-person classes at Spartanburg Methodist College.  There's still a reading day and exams, but today is the last day of regular commuting to Spartanburg until August when classes start again.  After classes, I'll stay for the end of year celebration for Humanities graduates at a pizza place in town.

As with every semester, when we get to the end, I have a bit of whiplash--wasn't it just last week that I entered these dates into the syllabus?  Back in January, when I put the spring semester syllabi together, the 28th of April seemed so far away.  And now, here we are.

My brain can't seem to focus--or maybe it would be more accurate to say it focuses on one thing for one to five minutes and races on to the next thing.  I have a lot going on in the next two weeks:  both in-person and online classes ending, which means lots of grading, two papers due for my Lutheran Confessions class, two sermons to write, and a week-end retreat this week-end, where my spouse and I are the cooks.  I've done many job duties for retreats, but this will be my first retreat as chef.

I am making a shopping list for one of the retreat leaders who will be going to Costco on Thursday.  I find myself overly worried about leaving something off the list.  But there will be grocery stores, should we forget something essential.

I am also worried about the amount of food we need.  Is it too much?  Is our menu too expensive?  I also worry that we won't have enough--and again, I tell myself, there will be grocery stores, and people won't starve.  I am less worried about people not liking the  food.  We are good cooks.  I do worry about people not telling us about food they won't/can't eat until it's being served to them.  But they did have a chance to tell us on the registration form, and so far, no one has mentioned anything.

O.K., time to focus on something else.  Let me do some grading.

A Sunday of Donuts and Other Treats

In some ways, yesterday was a good Sunday.  We had a new member officially join us yesterday--she's the grown up daughter of a member, and she's been attending regularly since Christmas Eve.  It's our 3rd New Member Sunday in a year--hurrah!  

For the first New Member Sunday, the church council president got the donuts from an upscale donut place in Bristol.  For the second one, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts between Johnson City and Bristol.  Yesterday I went to Donut Stop in Arden, NC, a few minutes from my house.  They were actually open at 5 a.m., just as they said they were in various sites.  They had a huge variety of donuts--and they were delicious.

I didn't feel wiped out when we got home, as I sometimes do.  We took care of some paperwork tasks left over from the week before.  We watched the sermons of other churches, as we often do.  We cooked the salmon that we never got around to cooking on Saturday.  We watched some of the home remodel shows, one of our go-to genres that we both like to watch, as long as we don't get derailed into talking about our own home improvement plans.

We watched the Property Brothers restore 2 multi-million dollar mansions, which was a bit surreal.  The next show was set in Las Vegas, 2 flippers taking deeply run down properties and renovating them with constantly changing budgets that made no sense.  I realized how deeply tired I was.

It was only 6:45.  I told myself I was going to read in bed for a bit.  Maybe I could make it to 8:00, a bedtime that is barely respectable for adults:  toddlers get later bedtimes.  But I was asleep by 7:10.  I drifted off thinking about how the light outside was so similar to October early evening light.

Do I feel rested today?  Sort of.  But I am still facing a week full of tasks that can be exhausting.

Still, today and tomorrow are the last two days of my in-person classes meeting, which will free up a lot of time.  I will do what I always do:  make lists, get through the tasks on them, cross them off--and look forward to the time when I have less on the to-do list.

Jesus Remodels a Fixer Upper

I have been up early, both fretful and hopeful, thinking about taxes, thinking about home renovation shows and real life fixer-uppers, working on some poetry submissions.  Usually I'd be revising a sermon on Sunday morning, but I got that done last night, after an up and down day.

I was thinking of mid-life crises, how some of us buy convertibles and others buy run down houses to fix up.  I had planned to work on a poem about Jesus having a mid-life crisis and buying a run down house to renovate--the idea came to me on Friday.  But I worried that readers would reasonably point out that Jesus didn't exactly live until mid-life to be able to have a midlife crisis. 

My Jesus in the World poems can demand a willing suspension of disbelief, since Jesus is doing activities that he didn't do in the Gospels:  bowling, going to a holiday cookie swap, helping with hurricane clean up, and so on.  But I worried that mention of a midlife crisis would disrupt that suspension of disbelief.

This morning, the solution came to me, and it's so obvious I hesitate to admit that it didn't come to me sooner.  I can take out the reference to a mid-life crisis.  Let the reader decide why Jesus is buying a run-down house to renovate. 

There are so many wonderful ways this poem could go--it's so wonderful to have a glimmer of an idea that's closer to fully recognized than just a whisp and to have poem creation to look forward to in the week to come.

Friday: Bad Traffic, Good Fish Fry

Yesterday was the kind of commuting hell day that makes me happy that summer is coming, and I'll soon have a break from 6+ days of commuting.  

Driving down, I thought that I was lucky because I was headed east on I 26.  On the other side of the highway, an 18 wheeler lay on its side across the 2 westbound lanes, with cars off the road on either side.  The interstate was closed down, with traffic rerouted.

I wouldn't be headed back west for 5 hours, so I figured that it would be cleaned up by then.  It was, but there was another accident by then.  Happily, it wasn't as bad as the morning accident.  Further up the road, another accident slowdown, even though it was cleared up and on the other side of the interstate.

I left campus a smidge early so that we had some extra time to get to Bristol for the fish fry at Faith Lutheran.  By the time I got home, we just barely had enough time to get there--until we got to the next round of accidents.  We were 20 minutes late--I got there in time to thank the first round of diners for coming.  

We still had plenty of time to help out with the fish fry:  we got there at 5:20, and the event was over at 7:00.  Everyone was in good spirits, both the church volunteers and the community folks who came for a good meal and fellowship.  It was a great night.

It's an interesting event:  all the funds raised are for neighborhood charities, particularly the ones that feed people.  It's less about evangelism:  most of the people who come already have a church home.  It's a small community, so many of the people know each other, both the church members and the diners.  There are moments when I feel like I've fallen into a Norman Rockwell painting, and I mean that in the best possible way.  

Grading in the Wee, Small Hours of the Morning

I have been up for hours, literally hours, grading.  Two of my four online classes are finished, so I decided to get the grading done, since I couldn't fall back asleep after I woke up at 1:30.  So, I graded the final research essays, did some checking to make sure that I hadn't overlooked anything in the gradebook, and submitted final grades.  Submitting final grades isn't automatic.  I have to toggle between 2 tabs and enter in each grade.  But I now have submitted final grades for 2 of 4 online classes.

Am I caught up with grading?  Goodness gracious no.  It's the time of year when I won't really be done for another week and a half.  Papers are coming in, day and night.  But it does feel good to make progress.

Let me also remember that I continue to try to capture poem ideas.  Some have been in my head for months:  every time I see a tattoo, I think of a colleague who had a tattoo of a tomato plant on his arm, and I've been trying to capture that tattoo and give it a deeper meaning.  One idea came to me in a rush when I saw someone's online outrage post about a recent vote about allowing drilling/mining above the Northern Boundary Waters, which reminded me of a friend who died recently, and I tried to write a poem about both northern and southern waters and boundaries.  Neither poem is finished yet--in fact, I have yet to have crafted enough of them to know that I have a poem or just an idea.

Next year when my year-to-year contract converts to a tenure track faculty position, I'll teach one less class each term, and I'm looking forward to seeing if I get more writing done--by which I mean not just writing but actually getting to rough drafts and revised drafts. 

A Return--Briefly--to my Regularly Scheduled Thursday

My schedule today feels a bit crammed, but I remind myself that I've gotten spoiled.  For the past month, I haven't had my Lutheran Confessions class that meets by way of Zoom session on Thursday morning.  Today, I'll make the trek to the office even earlier than usual so that I can get my laptop set up for the class which starts at 8:45.  Then I'll have the last conferences of the semester with my creative writing students and then a writing day for my English 102 students.

I have my food packed--breakfast and lunch on campus.  I have my outfit picked out.  I am trying not to think about how tired I am and all I need to do in the coming weeks before we get to summer.

The last time we had an actual class meeting was March 19, which was the day after I had my meeting with the provost and my dean, where I was offered, and accepted, the tenure track promotion offer.    Part of my brain was thinking about all the implications of the meeting (happy implications) while I tried to focus on Reformation history and the class at hand.

In some ways, that's the story of the past year or two, or maybe my whole life.  I have multiple tracks in my head, multiple responsibilities tugging at me.  This week, I'm thinking about all the grading that I need to do, along with the paper for Lutheran Confessions that is due in a week, and oh, yes, a sermon for Sunday, let me not forget that.

When I step back, I reflect on the fact that I won't have to do this again--next week, my in-person classes are over.  Let me do what I always do:  take a deep breath, keep breathing, and keep prioritizing my to-do list.

A Different Kind of Getting to Know You Exercise

Let me remember to record a really neat getting to know you exercise that we did the first night at the Create in Me retreat.  It's something that could be modified for non-retreat groups, and I'll give some ideas at the end of the post.

Advent

Our retreat theme was "Nature, Imagination, and Liturgy," so our opening exercise revolved around the liturgical seasons:  Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Holy Week, Easter, Pentecost, and Ordinary Time.  

Epiphany

When we checked in, we had a nametag with a piece of colored paper in it--we sat at the table that had a larger sheet of colored paper that matched the color in the name tag.  It was a great way to make sure that we mingled new folks with returning folks.

Lent

The color of the paper matched the liturgical season (purple for Lent, for example).  We had a sheet of facts about the season, along with a small, blank banner.

Christmas

There was a table of all sorts of supplies.  Our project was to make a banner that matched the season, along with a song or prayer or poem.  We only had 20 minutes.

Ordinary Time

I admit that I was skeptical at first, as we sat there, every table staring blankly at the blank banner.  But it was a room of creative people, so soon we sprung into motion.  The energy level and discussion level rose.

Pentecost

When we were finished, we went around the room, explaining the banners and presenting our song or prayer or poem.  I was impressed with what we created--and impressed with how this exercise helped us get to know each other through a joint task and some friendly competition.

Easter

Could I create a non-religious variation for the first week in class?  I've used getting to know you Bingo, which is good.  The banner creating meant that people didn't have to move around the room and approach strangers, which is a plus for a lot of people.

Holy Week

I have a vision of this exercise, but with secular holidays and seasons, along with the holiday of Christmas, which is universal for my students.  Could non-creative students rise to the challenge?  I think they could.  Let me tuck this idea away.

A Tale of Three Butterflies

For most Create in Me retreats, we have a community art project, something we can work on together.  Some times, the work stays at Lutheridge, like the cross as tall as a human, made of clear plastic, filled with broken things.  One year, we knotted a quilt for Lutheran World Relief.  This year, we made a huge butterfly, decorated with bits of nature.  I brought it back to my house because Lutheridge didn't really have a place for it, and it had so much glue on it that I wasn't sure it was a good idea to leave it beside a trail to decompose, as we had once thought we would do:

Here's what it looked like at worship yesterday:

It began as a series of fan blades.  Here's what it looked like when my spouse and I first constructed it last week:

I felt a keen sense of failure and despair at this early stage.  My friend on the planning team had sent me this picture when describing what the group had in mind and asking if my spouse could build the base for it:

I wrote to my friend to tell her that we might not have created what she had in mind.  She wrote back the most perfect reply:  "It will look just as it should--a unique community effort."  I so needed those words, to know that I hadn't let the team down.

In the end, I like what we created better.  One friend used the leftover dried flowers that she created for her drop in station.  We used some of the leftover wood circles that had been cut for a prayer project.  We used interesting bits that people found during outdoor time.  

And in the end, yes, it looked just the way it needed to look--many good life lessons/reminders here.

Long Lasting Labyrinth Made of Braids

Yesterday, I posted this picture after we finished setting up the labyrinth at the chapel at Lutheridge:

Early on, the Create in Me retreat ended with closing worship and a labyrinth walk.  We have occasionally used the labyrinth that was created at the old tennis court, but it's not very accessible--and right now, it's still under downed trees.  So back in 2009, we created the braided strips that make the labyrinth.

How do I know that?  I went back to my blog and found this blog post that describes making the strips.  I also found this blog post which is a photo essay, and this post, which describes the experience of using the strips in words.

I have many reasons for why I continue to blog:  this ability to quickly find answers to the "what year was that?" or "how did this project go?" questions is one big reason why I keep blogging.

On the braided strips, we wrote prayers, along with gratitude and appreciation.  This morning, I thought about those prayers from 2009.  How many of them have been answered?  I thought about all of the people:  those of us we prayed for, those of us who did the praying.  Who is still alive?

I thought of all the ways we've used these long, braided strips:  for every Create in Me retreat since (almost 2 decades!).  Other retreats have used the braids, even non-Lutheridge retreats.  Other people have been inspired to try something similar.  I love that it's a budget friendly way to create a labyrinth.

It's a great metaphor for all the ways that our prayers and communities support us, even as the years and decades go on.  We braid our prayers together, in a variety of ways.  Those prayers braid us together, both immediately and through the years.  God, the master fabric artist, takes our offerings and weaves together our communities into an even more beautiful creation.

First Full Day of Create in Me

In some ways, the Create in Me retreat is the same from year to year:  Bible study in the morning, workshops, drop in stations with a wide variety of supplies and projects, worship and song, and of course, food and snacks (not all of which have this artist theme):

This retreat came with a coloring booklet and pencils on every table.  I haven't colored mine yet, because I might want to make copies.

Our theme is rooted in nature, so we've spent time in and with nature--including a nature walk yesterday.  We had 20 minutes to spend how we wanted, in nature, even if it was no further than steps from the door.  We had some questions to make us more intentional.

I went to my favorite tree, the maple between the Faith Center and the Dining Hall.  I spent time gazing and looking, looking close up, like I require my first year Composition students to do.  It was amazing.

I had a moment where I wanted to lie on the grass gazing up at the tree, but I decided it was unwise for many reasons.  I made an intentional decision not to take a camera or a notebook, to be fully present with the tree.

I love retreats for many reasons, but one reason is because it forces me to do what I say I want to do:  to be more present.

In the afternoon, we did worship planning.  I am always amazed how we come to the meeting at 3:30 with the barest bones of a worship service, and we have a fully-realized worship service prepared by the 6:45 start time.

We ended the day in the Faith Center, creating and talking.  It was a good day.  Of course, every Create in Me day is a good day--it's a foretaste of what could be. 

The Beginning Hours of a Retreat

Last night, the Create in Me retreat started.  It's interesting to see the contrast between this retreat and the Quilt Camp retreat three weeks ago.  It's always startling to walk into the Faith Center and to see all the visual elements of the Create in Me retreat:  stuff on every wall (all pleasing, but lots of stuff), various spots where people can sit apart from the tables, empty tables, tables with arts and crafts supplies, and tables for food and drink.  The Quilt Camp retreat begins with less visual stuff happening, but by the end of the retreat, it, too, has lots of visual elements competing for attention.

These pictures give you a sense, but one photo can't capture the effect of the whole room:

With each retreat, I begin by feeling a bit overwhelmed:  so much I could do, so many people to see.  It's also a bit discombobulating to be on retreat now, when it's so hard to feel like I'm really away.  When I first went on retreats as an adult, the idea was to be away, so there was no internet access.  I didn't have to feel like I needed to stay connected on any level because it wasn't possible.

And it's also different now because I live less than a mile away.  In so many ways, it's more delightful to be nearby.  But it's harder to feel as much on retreat.

For this retreat, I'm not trying to get back to Spartanburg to teach in person.  For the March Quilt Camp, I did try to do both, which I will try not to do in the future.  But in March, I felt like I couldn't take that time, because I had just been away. 

That feeling comes from me, not from the people in charge at my school.  I am so lucky to be in a place where we are encouraged to do professional development, and our choices aren't second guessed or undercut.  Very lucky.

Pioneer Scholars and a Hope for the Future

Yesterday was Pioneer Scholars Day at Spartanburg Methodist College, our first ever.  Last year, we had a smaller, precursor event, where students had time to present posters they had created for a class project.  For those of you who go to academic conferences, you're probably familiar with posters as a way to present research.  If the idea of a poster is unfamiliar, think of the posters you might have made for school projects, but more sophisticated in appearance (i.e. not made with markers and glue) with proper citations of research.

The presentation of posters was still a big part of Pioneer Scholars Day.  In addition, in the morning, we had panel presentations, and an art display.  I was judge for the art display.  During the other morning  events, I heard a panel of papers written for History classes and later in the morning, students presenting their musical compositions on a iPad app.

In the afternoon, graduating seniors presented their capstone projects, a wide variety of work.  The day culminated in a late afternoon celebration of graduates, with happy hour type food.

I signed up for the morning shift, so I didn't stay for the afternoon events.  I was very glad to have a chance to be part of the morning shift.   It was so wonderful to see students presenting their work in a variety of ways--and wonderful to see the variety of work.

Although I went to Newberry College, a small, liberal arts college, I have spent most of my teaching life in other types of schools.  I've found kindred spirits there, particularly in schools that had an English major.  It's refreshing to be teaching in a school where the value of having a diverse education, of becoming a well-rounded human, is a value we all support.  

A few weeks ago, as I was walking to my car, I saw this tire cover on a jeep, with a reference to Thoreau:

Not for the first time, I reflected on how lucky I am to be here, at this point in my life.  Teaching these students, most of them no older than 21, makes me feel hopeful for the future--these students will be able to figure it out, no matter what the future holds for them.

 

Pioneer Scholars Day

I woke up earlier than usual for a variety of reasons, but the main one is because of a slight schedule disruption today.  We don't have classes at Spartanburg Methodist College today, but it's not because we have a day off.  We have a special academic day that we're calling Pioneer Scholars Day.  It's a mix of academic and artistic presentations in the morning, and in the afternoon, graduating students present their capstone projects and other culminating academic events.

It's a HUGE thing to assemble, and I'm glad that I'm not in charge--but also glad that I am at a school that has people who are willing to do the organizing work.  The rest of us have all sorts of duties and responsibilities; in fact, all full-time faculty have to do a 5 hour shift of support work.

In my younger years, I might have complained bitterly about this requirement.  Now I'm feeling no resentment, a fact which intrigues me.

Part of it is that the requirement seems reasonable.  We don't have to teach or do other duties.  We're not coming in on a Saturday or Sunday.  And we're at a small, liberal arts college--we should be doing this kind of event.

I decided to choose the morning shift, which means I need to be on campus by 7:30, a bit earlier than usual.  The afternoon session ends at 5:30, which would mean traffic congestion on both sides of my commute.  I do regret having to give up my morning walk, but I don't resent it.

I also don't resent it because I've wanted to be at a school like this one for so long.  It's wonderful to be at a place that celebrates student intellect, and a school that knows that students can have a wide range of intellect.  I am a lucky woman.

Week-end Recap and a Look ahead at the Coming Week

It has been a good week-end; I haven't meant not to blog this week-end.  My basal cell skin cancer removal on late Friday afternoon went well.  In fact, it was the easiest skin cancer removal yet.  Is it because it was on my back, so I couldn't see what was happening?

Whatever the reason, I'm always grateful for easy medical operations.  

We had a week-end similar to so many, filled with cooking, baking, running errands, looking at mindless TV and mindful internet wandering, both together and apart.

In some ways, my Sunday was easier than most Sundays.  We had a group of seminarians and college students staying at the church.   They were in town for the race, and they slept and had meals at the church, which they've done every time they're in town. The seminarian preached 2 great sermons, both the youth sermon and the other one, and he and 2 friends assisted with communion. Their enthusiasm for life in all its facets made me feel like maybe civilization has a chance after all.

I didn't have to craft a sermon for yesterday, but I still spent time writing a sermon--I won't be with my congregation this coming Sunday, so I'll need to have a sermon to them.  I had hoped to have it ready to leave at the church yesterday, but it was not to be.  I got a draft done, but it was still in rough shape yesterday.

This morning, I've done some revising, and I'm happy that it's stronger now.  I'll put it aside, do one or two more revisions and call it done.

This week will be one of schedule disruptions.  Tomorrow, all classes are cancelled so that we can all participate in Pioneer Scholars day, where we'll have presentations of all sorts.  Faculty are required to be on hand for a variety of support.  I am judging a fine arts competition.

At the end of the week, I will be up the hill at Lutheridge, for my beloved Create in Me retreat.  I haven't really thought about the retreat too much at this point--I'm not that kind of member of the planning team.  I am somewhat surprised to find myself here, speeding to the end of the semester. 

The Week in Science: Astronauts and Biopsies

I slept a bit later today, so my writing time is short.  Let me capture a few snippets.

--I think of the Artemis mission astronauts heading back to Earth today.  I read about all the processes that have to happen for them to have a safe return and not burn up in re-entry or sink to the bottom of the ocean.

--Earlier this week, when war drums rattled with what seemed to be threats of nuclear annihilation, I thought of the astronauts who might have to stay in space longer--but how long is possible?  I thought of all the songs and novels that have stranded astronauts as part of the plot.  Happily these space travelers are returning to a world that has not been decimated by a nuclear weapon.

--It has been a good teaching week, as last paper assignments start to come together.  But we're all tired.  It's palpable.

--I had three spots biopsied when I went to the dermatologist in March.  Happily, two of them are benign, but the one on my back is a Basal cell carcinoma. So I go in later today for additional scraping and burning (but no stitches). And happily, no melanoma.  Not a huge deal--I'm at the point when I feel lucky that it can be done in the office, with no stitches. And it's not a melanoma.

Fan Letter for Forgotten Poem, "The Moon Remembers"

Like many others, I get the occasional e-mail that tells me that the sender can help me find new readers for my brilliant books, millions and millions of readers.  Yesterday I got a different e-mail, an old-fashioned fan letter of sorts.  

The e-mail writer told me that she had selected my poem for a specific reason:  "This is to let you know that as a member of a Lectio Poetry group that met this morning, I chose your poem 'The Moon Remembers' for our session. Because of the recent NASA mission to send humans farther into space than ever before, and to study the dark side of the moon, I felt fortunate to find your poem to share."

The e-mail concluded this way, "In this world of chaos, 'The Moon Remembers' gave us an hour of peace, of joy, of hope."

Wow--what writer could hope for more than that?  I mean that sincerely.  It is one of the reasons I write, in the hopes of bringing something positive to people.

I don't get many fan letters anymore, and the ones that I get are usually about "Heaven on Earth," perhaps my most famous poem, read on Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanac.  Yesterday's e-mail referenced "The Moon Remembers."  It's a poem I barely remember writing, and at first, I wondered if she was writing to the wrong poet.

Happily, my blog answers many a question for me.  I posted it in this blog post, and I'm guessing that's how the group leader found my poem.  Even though it's not one of the poems I remember, I'm still happy with it.

Let me post it here again, as I also say a prayer for the Artemis Mission which returns home Friday:

The Moon Remembers

                “I sing and the moon shudders"
                            Li Po, “Drinking Alone by Moonlight”



The moon does not approve of elementary choir
masters who stop the rehearsal, make each quivering
child sing a solo to find the one
who is off key. The helpless moon, marooned
so far away, wishes she could offer sanctuary.

The moon knows what the choir master forgets.

The moon doesn’t understand scales or the division
of voices into the caste systems of chorus:
superior sopranos, dowdy altos, basses as the bubble
of depth holding us up, the star tenor.

The moon remembers what the choir master forgets.

The moon sees our best selves as we sing:
the lonely driver late at night, singing to stay awake,
the melancholy mother, humming Christmas carols
to cheer the babies, the desperate lover
serenading the empty window.

The moon remembers what we all forget.

The moon knows that if we believed in our songs,
strengthened our fragile voices, and sang
as if we meant it, then galaxies would blow
to bits as the universe expands.

Things that Go Bump in the Night

Yesterday morning Trump made a bizarre threat about wiping out a great nation at 8 p.m. EST and ended his post praising the people he had just threatened.  Was he threatening a nuclear weapon?  It sounded like he was, but he's sounded that way before.

Still, I spent the day feeling wary and also darkly amused.  When took my interstate exit to go home in the afternoon, I thought about topping off my gas tank.  If Trump dropped a nuclear weapon at 8 p.m., what would gas prices be on Thursday morning, when I did need more gas?  

During the day, I also reverted to some cold war thinking, some cold war math problems:  if a nuclear bomb is dropped half a world away, how far can radioactive fallout travel?  If there is an electromagnetic pulse, will our electronics be shielded from half a world away?

In the evening, as I waited to see what would happen at 8 p.m., I wrote a letter of recommendation for a student, which seemed like a life affirming thing to do in the face of nuclear threats.  I chatted with my sister on the phone, another life affirming thing to do.  In the last hour before the announcement that the powers that be had backed down, I felt a bit too mind numbed to do much more than listen to a podcast and stare blankly at real estate listings, the way that grown ups amuse themselves when they are too tired to do much else, and the T.V. is too irritating.

Happily, the nuclear night of reckoning has been postponed for another time.  By the time I went to bed, it seemed clear that the latest moment of threat had been resolved in some way.

A few hours later, we both woke up--a noise, like something falling, from a different part of the house.  We listened for a few more minutes and didn't hear anything alarming:  no breaking glass, no voices, no further noises.  We went back to sleep.

This morning, the bird feeder that is attached by suction cups to the sliding glass door is on the deck.  It looks like the bears are awake.  It seems early and cold for bears to be out and about, but then again, what do I really know about the biology/ecology of bears?  

I realize how lucky I am:  I am waking up this morning without war on my doorstep, unlike so many people across the planet.  I am waking up this morning to find that I've had an overnight visitor, but the damage is minimal.

Seeing Clearly and Coldly

I've been up early, an hour earlier than my usual wake up time of 4 a.m.  I decided to go ahead and get up and get a draft of my seminary paper written.  It's due on Thursday, but I had wondered if our professor might extend the due date.  We didn't meet on March 26, so I thought it was possible.  Happily I have a draft of the paper that pleases me, one I'll likely use, even if the due date does get extended.

I finished up the rough draft and went for a walk on this chilly spring morning.  I wanted to see if my camera cleaning had made a difference, and it has.  Here's a picture from Saturday before I cleaned the lens:

And here's a picture taken in less sun but similar weather conditions and time this morning:

I also took this picture:

It inspired a haiku-like creation:

Cold Easter Tuesday

Waning moon held in a claw

Barely budding tree

Easter Sunday Wrap-Up

I am listening to Sting's Nothing Like the Sun.  I am remembering a time that seems long ago now, the first year of grad school, and we were off for Easter, probably just Good Friday and maybe Easter Monday.  I was making hot cross buns with a recipe from The Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book. While the dough rose, I scraped together my last bit of money and went to the local record store, Sounds Familiar, where I bought the double LP, three songs each side.  I spent Easter week-end enthralled.

Yesterday was different, rainy and dreary for most of the day.  I was happy to see the rain--it's been far too dry.  As we do most Sundays, we headed across the mountain to Faith Lutheran in Bristol, TN.

It was a good Easter Sunday.  It's a small, country church, so we don't have what suburban or city churches experience, those folks who show up only for Christmas Eve and Easter.  We are more likely to have brand new visitors on Christmas Eve, not Easter, and even then, it's only one or two.

The church felt full, though, in a similar way yesterday.  It's one of the few days when all members are likely to come, along with some friends and family members tagging along.  In addition, the folks who aren't members but come here and there--they were there too.  It was joyful and a bit noisy.  It was also raining outside, so we don't have as many pictures at the chicken-wire cross covered with flowers; some folks did put flowers on the cross, despite the rain.

We lingered a bit after worship, but it's not the kind of church that has coffee hour afterward, much less an Easter brunch.  Off we went, back across the mountain.

As is often the case for me as a grown up, Easter afternoon was low key.  I felt more wiped out than usual.  Happily, my life is set up so that I can go to bed super early, which is what I did last night.  At one point, I woke up and saw the red streaks of sunset, but not even the possibility of a glorious sunset was enough to rouse me.

This week may be hectic, but it's one of the last full weeks of the semester for me; next week I'll be out on Friday for the Create in Me retreat.  The week after that is a full week again, and then on April 27 and 28, we have the last class day.

That gasping sound you will be hearing across the next few weeks will be me coming up for air.  But these last weeks of busyness feel different--the end is close at hand.  And then, beyond that, summer!

Easter Week-end So Far

Overall, it has been a good week-end.  We don't have any hard and fast Easter week-end traditions:  some years, we make a bunny cake, but most years we don't.  We're always cooking, on Easter week-end or any week-end that we're home.  Some years we watch something with some theology behind it, but not always.

I did some cleaning, as seems right for a week-end that will celebrate resurrection.  I scrubbed down counters, and we washed sheets.  I managed to get the phone case off the phone, which means I could clear out dust and gunk that had been giving my photos a foggy haze--an interesting effect, but nott one I want all the time.  I had been worried to force it off, and it turns out my fears were justified--when I tried to get the case off a year ago, I had started to pry the phone apart--happily, it clicked back into place.

We did lots of cooking and baking.  I baked a special challah for today's worship, along with some shortcakes to go with the strawberries I bought.  But again, cooking and baking is standard at our house.

I got caught up with my grading, although there is still some grading to do.  I wrote my sermon for today (you can read the manuscript in this post on my theology blog).  I went on walks.

We also were the point people to distribute the gate "clickers," the remote that opens the new gate on the back part of the Lutheridge property--it meant we got to see a lot of our neighbors.   One of them brought me these beautiful tulips, which I am sure he grew in his yard:

As always, I am struck by how lucky we are to have a house here.

And now, to put on my festive sandals and head over the mountain to preach and preside at Faith Lutheran, in Bristol, TN.  Worship starts at 10 a.m., and all are welcome.

Good Friday in a Better Place

It is Good Friday, and I'm tired.  But of course I'm tired.  Yesterday I drove down the mountain to teach, drove home, and then my spouse and I drove up I 26 in the opposite direction so that I could preach and preside at Faith Lutheran for Maundy Thursday worship service; for more on that, see this post on my theology blog.

I am reminding myself that I have plenty of time to get all the things done that need to get done today.  The primary thing is grading.  I am caught up at Spartanburg Methodist College, but my online classes need attention.

I also need to write a rough draft of my Easter sermon.  I know what I plan to write, so I am less stressed about that.

But I don't want this blog to just be a catalog of to do lists.  I spent a bit of time looking at old Good Friday posts and thinking about what a strange assortment of experiences I've had.

The body experiences are the ones that come to mind, not the worship experiences:

--In 2022, I went out for my normal walk in the pre-dawn dark and fell and broke my wrist.  There wasn't a clear precipitating event, no trip, no misstep.  One minute I was walking and the next I was falling.  I didn't think I had broken my wrist because it didn't hurt.  I am still a bit spooked by this experience, if we're telling the truth.

--In 2024, I spent the morning of Good Friday in the mammography center getting a more advanced scan.

I've had a wide variety of worship experiences, at various points in the day.  None of them match my memories of childhood Good Friday services, which seemed more dramatic than any other, with tales of torment and spookiness and the big Bible slammed at the end.

I've done a variety of the Stations of the Cross, which always leave me wanting to make my own version, not because I find them lacking but because they are so inspiring.

And of course, there are the days when I have had to work because I was in such a secular setting.  I have always had a liturgical calendar moving alongside my secular life, and they rarely match.

Today, I am in a much better place, both physically (healthy even though I'm carrying 30 pounds more than I would like) and in terms of my work life.  I am grateful on this Good Friday.

Here's a poem from a harder time, back in 2003, a time of many home repairs and infestations.  It was inspired by the time when the termites came out of the ceiling in two places inside the house as they swarmed, and it was awful.  It happened in the spring which made me think of spring holidays:  Easter and Passover, and this poem emerged, published for the first time here:

A Thousand Wings



The termites swarm on Good Friday,
the one day of the year when bread and wine
cannot be consecrated.
The termites fill my book-lined study.
I cannot kill them fast enough.

Finally, I shut the door and weep.
I cry for the Crucified Christ.
I cry for my house, under assault
from insects who have declared war
on wood, as if to avenge His death.
I cry for terrors and tribulations and plagues
that do not pass over.

In the evening, I sweep up a thousand wings.
I dust my shelves and attend to my house,
the way the women must have prepared the corpse,
bathing and anointing with oil

so lost in misery and despair,
resurrection blindsides us,
coming from a direction we could never expect,
a cold tomb, modern chemicals,
a spirit unconquered by minutiae.

A Different Poem for Maundy Thursday

Today is Maundy Thursday, the day that celebrates "The Last Supper" of Jesus.  Of course, it's not the last supper.  After his resurrection, he gets right back to having meals with people, cooking fish on the beach for breakfast.  But it's the last supper on this side of the crucifixion.

If you'd like a serious Maundy Thursday sermon, I've posted the manuscript (which might change a bit between now and tonight's 6:30 worship service at Faith Lutheran in Bristol, TN) in this blog post.

On a less serious note, I pulled a loaf of bread out of the freezer for tonight's worship and realized that I had pulled out a chunk of fatback.  Happily, I realized it right away and pulled out the correct bag that contains bread not pig fat.  I double checked and will double check again, probably several times before I leave for school.

My poet brain is already making connections.  But it won't be in time for today's blog post.

Instead, let me post an earlier poem.  It's never been published, and it's not my favorite Maundy Thursday poem (those are here and here).  I wrote it back in 2012 when I was filling in for one of the deans who was away for a week on vacation.  It was a high traffic time in the dean's office when students would come in to discuss their failures and their options, so the office needed to be staffed.  I was a department chair who volunteered.  It was also Holy Week, which provided me all kinds of interesting parallels and possibilities.

The Dean Hears Student Appeals During Holy Week


On the Monday after Palm
Sunday, the students form
a line outside the office of the Dean.

The students come to protest
their sudden change of fortune.
They’ve always been good
students! They can’t fathom
why they’ve been forced
to leave school.

The dean drifts off during
their pleas. The dean thinks of palm
branches, donkeys, and crowns of thorns.
The dean studies transcripts
and hears sad tales of woe.
Like Pontius Pilate,
the dean, several steps removed, asks
questions but never knows for sure:
each decision, a shot in the dark.

Unlike Pontius Pilate, the dean never
has scrubbed hands. The dean listens
to each appeal and offers second
chances, even if undeserved,
a gleam of grace
in a world where redemption
seems impossible.

Running, Running, Running into National Poetry Month and Holy Week: An Unfinished Post

It's the kind of week where I feel like I'm running, running, running.  Even though I have a plan for my classes, there's still prep work to do, and I'm behind in my grading.  It's Holy Week, so I have two sermons, not my usual one.  It's a good kind of tired I'm feeling, since I like everything I'm doing, but tiredness is tiredness.

Let me record a few fragments, so that I don't lose them.

--It is National Poetry Month.  I will probably not do as much as I have in past years.  But I will mention it to my English students.  Maybe I shouldn't--I didn't mention Women's History Month or Black History Month.

--Yesterday I did my communal poetry project with my English 102 class, a project that I first described in this blog post.  I can't always tell what my students are thinking, and yesterday, although I tried to have class conversation after the creating of the poems and my reading of them, they were stonily quiet.  So I decided to have them write about the process.  I was surprised by how many students enjoyed it.  I do realize that some of them might have been telling me what they thought I wanted to hear, but I think that some of them were genuine.  It's good to remember that I might be misinterpreting my students' silence.  Across the classes that I teach, semester after semester, I don't find students wanting to be verbal in class.  It does seem like a generational shift.

--Yesterday I heard about a different kind of writing process, the Frederick Buechner Writing Competition.  I was particularly intrigued by the wide range of types of writing the judges will consider, but this passage made me decide to enter: "The editorial board will give special consideration to pieces that discuss Buechner’s work and themes, to literary and theological essays, and to sermons — the written sermon being an undervalued art form that was particularly close to Frederick Buechner’s heart."  So I decided to enter:  more in this blog post.  

--I've been thinking about the life of a sermon writer.  Some sermons are so much easier than others--and it's often not the ones I would have thought would be easier, back before I was writing sermons every week.  And it's interesting to think about how writing a weekly blog post about the Sunday Gospel text is different from a sermon.  My blog posts are usually half the length of a sermon, and for much of my blogging, I've been able to assume that no one would be reading my blog.  Sermons are so different.

--My congregation in Bristol, TN is the most attentive group of listeners I've ever had, more so than students certainly, but also more so than other congregations.  

Comparing Raisins to Jellybeans in the Composition Classroom

I had such a good time designing autumnal themed writing for my Composition classes in the fall that I wanted to do something similar in this term.  In the fall, I had more days to fill than I had ideas, which led me to try new things, like showing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video and creating a playlist of autumnal themed music across genres and having students listen and write.  I created the music experience as I was driving to campus feeling unsatisfied with the lesson I had planned--and thus, I came up with something better.

This year, we have three class days, but that works well too.  I have three days planned that lead to writing comparison/contrast essays.  Yesterday was the first day:

Yes, we compared jelly beans to raisins.  Back in January, I had found a raisin mindfulness exercise in this NYT article about a restaurant reviewer changing his approach to food.  Somewhere in the past few months, I came up with the idea of adding a jelly bean.

I gave them two sheets of paper, the pink one for jelly beans and the purple one for raisins.  We went sense by sense describing the two.  And then, I had a worksheet where they compared the two:  five ways that they are similar, with two sentences elaborating on each way, and the same for differences.  They engaged thoughtfully throughout the whole process, and it took longer than I thought it might.

Tomorrow, we'll go back outside to see our trees.  Earlier in the semester, I had each student adopt a tree, and we did a variety of exercises to write about the tree.  Now we'll go back outside to see how the trees have changed--or haven't, because some students chose pines and other evergreen trees.

On Monday, for our third pre-writing, we'll listen to Spring music.  It won't be quite as specific to spring as my autumn playlist was specific to autumn.  I'll have them write about the differences in the music.

Then on Wednesday and Friday, we'll work on turning that material into essays.  I've decided that if they haven't been in class to do the pre-writing work, they will have to choose another topic.  If a student has missed all three?  I will have them go back outside to see their tree again, but first, I will have a conversation about how they need to be in class for all the remaining class days.   And next semester, I'm going to put similar language on my syllabus about needing to be in class for the pre-writing, and that the grade for the final essay may be reduced if the student hasn't been in class to do the work in person.

It's interesting to think about how I once yearned to do more online, so that I had more flexibility.  I got that chance, and it's been great.  Now I am happy to be teaching in person, so that I can do more to control the writing process and require that the students do the actual writing, not some AI tool.

After we do this last comparing and contrasting essay, we have one last assignment, a mini-research assignment which incorporates the mandatory library orientation.  And then we are done--and then, I will catch my breath.

One Last Look Back at Quilt Camp and Palm Sunday

It's been the kind of week (or two or three) where I begin Monday feeling like I need a few days off to recover from the week before.  But at least I was able to get some decent quality sleep last night.  

It's sobering/exhilarating to realize how few weeks remain in the semester.  The last days of class are April 27 and 28, which means we only have four full weeks of class left--and those aren't really full weeks.  We have Good Friday off, and I will be out on April 17.  These weeks will fly by, and then it's summer.  My summer this year will be much more relaxed than last year--hurrah!  I was reading through my CPE end-of-term documents, and I remembered, again, how intense the schedule was.  I'm happy to be through with that training.

Let me record a few snippets before I lose them.

--Yesterday I had a poem idea. We do Passion Sunday, which means we read the whole Holy Week text. This bit from Good Friday (Matthew 27: 50-53) leapt out at me: " Then Jesus cried again with a loud voice and breathed his last. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, and the rocks were split.  The tombs also were opened, and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised.  After his resurrection they came out of the tombs and entered the holy city and appeared to many."

Is there a poem in those lines?  I keep thinking about those holy people, long dead, rising up and wandering around Jerusalem.  Do I want to update it to a modern capital city, D.C. perhaps?

--Here is a picture of the Lutheran World Relief quilt top that I made in one day, on Saturday at Quilt Camp:

It's not what I would have created if I was starting from scratch.  The quilt top contains about 25 squares made to go in a quilt of a different pattern, squares donated when the pattern didn't work.  They were in fall (or autumn adjacent) colors, but not necessarily colors that went well together side by side.  I looked for other fabrics that might work, and for what it is, I think it's fine.

--Yesterday afternoon, I worked on some hand sewing.  In the early evening, I made this Facebook post:  Later yesterday, I made this Facebook post: "After Palm Sunday worship and a beautiful drive back through the mountains, I'm doing a bit of hand stitching while watching season 5 of 'The Chosen,' which brings Jesus and the gang to Holy Week, which seems a fitting ending to the day and a fitting beginning to Holy Week."

Time to get ready to head down the mountain in a different direction.  It's that time of year when every drive is slightly different, in terms of which trees have leaves and which ones have flowers and which ones are still bare--beautiful!

Palm Sunday, Again

Today churches across Christendom will celebrate Palm Sunday, the day when Jesus rides triumphantly into Jerusalem.  Of course, the same crowd that cheers for Jesus will just a few days later be screaming for his death.  Many churches will cover the whole Holy Week story today:  Palm Sunday has become Passion Sunday.  Here are some thoughts swirling in my brain this particular Palm Sunday:

--Palm Sunday shows us the folly of fame.  People may love you on one day and cry out for your crucifixion 5 days later.

--Spring, however, reminds us that the days of winter will not last forever. 

--Does every religion have a cycle of days that reminds humans that resurrection is not only possible but promised?  I think so.

--Spring also reminds me that the shrubbery/trees that don't bloom brightly one year might be shining in a future year.  Spring reminds me not to give up.

--The Palm/Passion story reminds me that it's not about me, that we're characters in a larger narrative (as does the Passover story, which people across the world will be hearing this week too, in some Christian traditions, and next month, in the Jewish tradition).  We will find ourselves in great danger if we start to believe it's all about us, personally.

--I find many values to being part of a religious tradition, but the constant reminder of the larger vision, the larger mission, is one of the most valuable to me.  The world tells me that many things are important:  fame, money, famous/rich people, a big house, a swell car, loads of stuff.  My religious tradition reminds me of the moth-eaten nature of these things that the world would have me believe is important.  My religious tradition reminds me of the importance of the larger vision.  And happily, my religious tradition is expansive enough that my creative work can be part of that larger vision.

--Spring shows us that many types of work can contribute to the garden.  That, too, is an important message for me right now.

--I went looking for a good Palm Sunday poem that I've written, but time is short, and I can't find one.  Instead, let me direct you to this poem by Mary Oliver.

Sewing on the Machine at Quilt Camp

Yesterday at Quilt Camp, I got out my sewing machine, which might surprise those who know me.  For much of my life, I've sewed by hand.  I'm still deeply committed to sewing by hand, particularly as a self-calming practice.  Stitching a seam by hand not only calms my brain but also settles my attention.

I am the only person at Quilt Camp who does most of her sewing by hand.  I don't have a sewing room, so if I'm sewing, it's likely at the kitchen table which is problematic for many reasons.  But honestly, for many reasons, I actually prefer to sew by hand.

So last night, after posting the below picture, I made this Facebook post:  "Those of you who know me, are you more surprised to find out that I'm still awake at 10 p.m. or that I've been sewing on a sewing machine all day at Quilt Camp?"

All of the piles of blocks behind me were stitched by hand.  But yesterday, I wanted one of the sewing machine experts to see if she could get the bobbin winder to work.  She could not.  So why did I keep sewing on the machine?

One of my Quilt Camp friends had won a batch of quilt blocks as a prize, which we both agreed was a strange prize for a quilt contest, and she was trying to figure out how to assemble them into charity quilts, her task assigned to her as she claimed her prize.  I offered to help.  Here we are, me showing her the long strips I decided to assemble:

I knew that getting the quilt top done during the retreat was my best hope of getting it done, so I just kept sewing and sewing.  And finally, at 9:20, as Duke was winning the basketball game that some of my Quilt Camp compatriots were watching, I did.  However, I forgot to take a picture of the finished quilt top. 

Soon I'll head back to Quilt Camp for the last morning.  I'll get my cloth organized so that I can keep sewing small scraps into log cabin squares, the sewing that I do in the evening as we watch T.V. together.  It's been a good Quilt Camp, but it's time to come back down from the mountain (and I'll be rejoicing that my trip home is very short).

Quilt Camp Midway Report

Much of yesterday, I would have looked like this:

I've had one of those Quilt Camp weeks where I've had to balance the retreat and the other duties of my life.  Yesterday I had planned to go to the class I'm taking, Lutheran Confessions, by way of Zoom and come to Quilt Camp in the afternoon.  But my professor was having travel related disruptions, so we didn't have class.  I got several additional quilting hours in the morning--hurrah!

I made progress both on my own projects and on one of our group projects:

We were asked to take one of the paper doll forms and add fabric scraps to it to represent ourselves.  We've been putting them on the poster, and as we've been looking at our work, we've been praying for each other.

I loved making my self portrait in threads and fabric scraps:

I am tired, tired, tired.  Ordinarily I might say that I'm tired in a good way.  But last night, as my energy level crashed, I spiraled into a strange thought pattern, feeling like all of my fabric art is ugly, ugly, ugly.  What was that all about?

Part of it is being surrounded by other quilting artists who are all doing very different work from the work I'm doing:

My workspace is full of scraps, and the process of putting them into larger squares usually delights me.  The process still delights me, but I'm less sure how well it all works together.  I put some of my more varied squares together and felt despair.  I've got autumnal squares (think browns, coppers, oranges, yellows) and jewel tone squares.  Last night I thought, I've really got two quilts here--which might not be a bad thing.  But will I ever actually finish?

I'm also noticing a pattern in my larger life.  It's easy for me to do the individual parts, but harder to finish the larger project.  I thought about my writing life and all the poems I've written--but so few larger books.  

On the one hand, I take delight in the process, the creativity itself, the commitment to doing creative stuff every day.  On the other hand, I wonder how it might all be different if I focused on seeing a project through to the end.

Do I let myself off the hook too easily?  Should I be more rigorous?  If I decide I should be more rigorous, is it too late?

Let me remind myself of this article I read in The New York Times, an article that talks about Matisse in his later years, his last years, and an exhibition of his work from this time:  "The show includes more than 300 works on loan from around the world (with some exhibited for the first time) that demonstrate how wide the French master’s oeuvre stretched beyond his best-known paintings — to innovative drawings, gouache cutouts, illustrated books, textiles and stained-glass windows. It also challenges the conventional understanding of any artist’s 'late' years as an inevitable tapering off. Here, we see a blossoming, a relentless drive to experiment in new mediums and a radical simplicity that only a lifetime of making could achieve."