On Thursday morning, as I waited for my computer to do all its updating, I decided to use the Poet's Tarot (for more details on the deck, go here). I decided to pull out the Major Arcana card, shuffle them, and pull out a random card.
I got XXI, the Denise Levertov card. The Guidebook has the subtitle "on the threshold of abundance." Oh how I needed this hope! I needed this reminder: "Each goal that you set in your creative life and accomplish is worth celebrating."
I pulled the card after several days of being stuck in a bog of despair, a bog of feeling like I have accomplished nothing with my life. I had ignored the very good advice that I got from a wise yoga teacher years ago: "Quit comparing yourself to everyone else. It won't help!"
What restored me? Well, on Wednesday, I had tea with my writer-colleague-friend at work. We talked about my boggy feelings. She said that no publication she's ever had compares to the feeling of having gotten a piece of writing down. It was good to remember that.
On Wednesday evening, I was preparing statistics for my annual review. I counted up the number of submissions I had made: 50 submissions of poetry packets. I had 5 acceptances. That's a 10% acceptance rate, right? That's better than some years, weaker than others.
I reminded myself that I had finished my memoir revisions and started submitting to agents. I came very close to winning the Concrete Wolf annual chapbook competition. I reread the gracious rejection from Copper Canyon Press.
When I pulled the Levertov card, it felt like a message, that I have set in motion something that will soon come to fruition. Let it be so.
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