On most Sundays, I'd be on my way to Bristol, Tennessee where I serve as a Synod Appointed Minister at Faith Lutheran. This morning, I'll be staying home. There's no snow or dangerous travel conditions here, and there's just a bit of snow in Bristol right now. But there are winter weather advisories and warnings for the higher elevations which is where I have to travel to get from my house to Bristol, so I decided to take a cautious approach and not attempt the trip. We could make it safely over, probably, but by the time we came back this afternoon, we might have travel troubles.
Even after making this decision yesterday, I still find myself checking the weather. My spouse asked why I feel guilty still, and I've been thinking about this as I check the weather. I finally realized that I don't feel guilty, but if the winter weather holds off or doesn't materialize at all, I'll feel stupid. Of course, I wouldn't have to feel stupid if I just quit checking the weather on the mountaintop.
I have realized that I am not good at making a decision and being done with it--not for big things, and not for little things. Even as I realize this truth about myself, I still continue to second guess myself. I'm trying to use meditation practices: I don't berate myself for the second guessing, but I recognize the behavior and try to turn my attention back to more important tasks.
Let me remember some of the delightful aspects of the week-end.
--On Friday night, we had dinner with two family members from my mom's generation who traveled through town on their way to Oak Ridge to celebrate another family member's 90th birthday. These two women have been instrumental in showing me that there are lots of ways to live a happy life. One of them was the first vegetarian I ever met, and the other one adopted a baby much later in life than is usual.
--We ate at Farm Burger, which I always thought was an upscale McDonalds (Chipotle vs. Taco Bell). Indeed, it was more upscale than McDonald's. But it sources its meat from local farms and seems to be committed to sustainability. In addition to beef burgers, the restaurant had a vegetarian burger made from sweet potatoes and several salad options. We were there at 6:30, and I was so grateful that it wasn't overly crowded.
--After dinner, we came back to our house for dessert. I had made a lemon loaf cake, and since I didn't know people's current dietary situations, I came up with a lot of separate options that could be combined according to need and taste: strawberries, blueberries, sorbet, vanilla ice cream, and whipped cream. It was perfect, and it was great to have a quieter place to continue our conversation.
--I also liked that they liked the house and saw the same possibilities for this small, mountain house that we do. The cold winter weather has left my spouse in a sea of despair, and it was good to have enthusiasm in the house.
--Yesterday morning I connected with some members of my Florida church by way of Zoom. We've been meeting regularly for fellowship and Bible study for years, even as many of us moved. It is SO wonderful that technology allows us to do this.
--Yesterday afternoon I did my volunteer service by staffing the Lutheridge camp store. It's one of the handbell week-ends, so most people came right after lunch. There was a bit of a back up at the register, but everyone was gracious and beyond. They thanked me for being there.
--They may have thanked me because I thanked them for their patience with a woman who was only doing this for the second time. One woman said, "Didn't they give you any training?" I said, "Yes, but it was back in November." I have no shame about reminding them--I didn't want praise for volunteering, but I wanted to be sure that they realized that Lutheridge didn't employ a person who wasn't very good at finding the more obscure items in the system and caused a line at the check out register.
--I took my laptop because I thought there would be down time, and I was right. I was able to revise my sermon, and because I could get the Lutheridge wi-fi signal, I completed required cybersecurity training for the school where I do my online teaching. It was one of several to-do tasks hanging over my head.
Since we will be here today, let me head to the grocery store to get some provisions. We often don't cook much on Sundays, since we usually aren't home for much of Sunday.
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