Symbols of Disruption

Yesterday we got a surprise in the mail:  popcorn!  One of my cousin's children was selling it, the way that children sell all sorts of things now to support their schools, and I certainly had grown ups in my life who bought the stuff I sold.  So I try to support the saleschildren in my life.

My cousin lives in Kentucky, but at the time I placed my order, I thought we'd be gathering at Thanksgiving.  I knew they could bring it to me then, and so I got enough popcorn to share with everyone in the family.  When we canceled Christmas, I sent a check with a note saying to enjoy the popcorn, no need to mail it.

I was surprised to find how happy I was when the popcorn showed up at our door.  But there was also some sadness mixed in, as I thought about when I ordered it and how many celebrations have had to be cancelled.  As I look at the positivity rate in my state, which was at 9% earlier this week, and the reports of crowds cramming in together at airports and hotels and restaurants, I know that cancelling our family plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas was wise.  But I am wistful for what we've lost.

Of course I hope that we will have future holidays together.  However, I'm aware that life intervenes in all sorts of ways, although I never would have predicted this kind of pandemic that would disrupt our holidays.  I have always been on the lookout for the huge apocalypse on the horizon, along with the more mundane disruptions, like scheduling snafus, or death, the ultimate disruption.

I am thinking about a year ago and all the plans I had.  I decided that the time was right to buy some jeans--my weight seemed to have stabilized, and I was going to have more winter travel:  onground intensive for my spiritual direction certificate program, AWP in San Antonio, retreats at Lutheridge.  I found a sale online, and I bought not just one, but two pairs.  The two pairs of jeans came in time for the AWP trip, and they've stayed in the closet since.  Sigh.

I realize it's frivolous to think about new jeans and disrupted travel in a time of so much death and disruption.  I see those jeans as symbol of the larger disruption--and as a symbol of all the ways we plan and all the ways the future comes to us in forms we didn't anticipate.