Yesterday was my first day of the onground intensive for the certificate program in spiritual direction. This onground intensive being held online. By now, I've done so much online that I thought I didn't have many discoveries to make about what it means to live chunks of life online. I've been teaching online since 2013, and I've also been a student here or there. I've been a part of more online communities than I can count. In the past year, I've been part of worship services that are online--that was a first for me across the summer, but not now.
Yesterday I thought that I would be distracted by all the other online activities that might beckon to me. That's often what happens when I'm online, regardless of how fascinating any one individual activity might be.
Yesterday I was at the office, and it was all the other school stuff that was very distracting. We had some visitors--we are in the process of being bought by another school, and one of their teams came to our campus mainly to look at equipment. There were issues of students on externship and students who can't go on externship and deadlines. There was work on an accreditation document in advance of a virtual visit. I tried to only do this work during breaks for the onground intensive, but the school work bled into the intensive work.
Several times as the group came back together, we did a centering through breathing exercise. This practice isn't new to me. I'm deeply aware of the benefits of being aware of one's breath. Like so many benefits, just because I am aware doesn't mean that I actually do them.
I was surprised yesterday by how calming this practice was. I felt quite frazzled at certain points, but having someone count breaths for me really helped, although it did take me a few breaths to get into the rhythm.
I had been feeling a bit of sadness for all the ways that this year is not like last year. I was most sad about all the distractions that come from all directions. I will be logging on from home today, and while I imagine there will be fewer distractions, it still won't be the same as if I had driven to the campus in South Carolina, far away from all the home and work distractions.
I'm also feeling sadness about the fact that we're not having a chance to have meals together and to get to know each other in other ways. I'm sad about the fact that this experience is less like a nourishing and restorative retreat than the experience yesterday. I'm trying to resist the feeling that it's just one more thing to do in an already busy schedule.
I am glad that I participated yesterday. In so many ways, participating in the kinds of experiences that I tend to reserve for retreats might turn out to be one of the best benefits. I usually go to retreats, learn about techniques, come back home and promptly get immersed in all of the hectic life stuff that makes me yearn for a retreat.
Maybe yesterday's experience points me to a different direction/way to learn these things.
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