Wednesday, March 15, 2017

This Particular, Highly Structured Season

Today I return to spin class after being away for just over 3 weeks.  In that time, I've had a sick spouse, a pulled back, 2 cars that needed maintenance (which required dropping a car off, driving back to the house, the spouse who was on spring break walking back to the Firestone shop, and the next day, doing it again for the other car), and some inability to get myself together and back to spin class.

In a way, it's been good.  I've realized that I do miss spin class, that I may want to keep going but maybe only once or twice a week.  The money question is still something I'm puzzling over.  Is it worth $44 a month?  I will ask if there are cheaper options.

There are days when I'd rather be walking.  There are days when even walking seems like too much effort.  I think of times in the past when I've been in a more athletic phase, and I wonder what is going on here.

Of course, many of those athletic times have come when I've had a less structured life, in terms of time--or maybe it would be more accurate to say that I had more pockets of free time throughout the week.  These days, I have only an hour or two of free time most work days.  I sacrifice sleep to get a bit more free time.

Many things that once came easily now seem more difficult--for example, I've been feeling distressed about how little I feel I am writing in terms of fiction and poetry.  I remind myself that I am writing, but it doesn't feel effortless, like it once did.  Again, it seemed more effortless in days when I had more unstructured time.

I know that at I am in a particular season right now, one that requires long hours in an office.  I know that at some point I will look back on this time.  Will I marvel at all that I was able to do?  Will I feel sorrowful at the opportunity costs that come when time is at a premium?  Will I miss that office? 

Yes.  In that future time, yes.

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