Courage and Corps of Discovery

Today is the day in 1806 when Lewis and Clark began their long trek back east.  You may remember that they led the Corps of Discovery across the Louisiana purchase.  What a journey! 

I've often thought about how history would have been different, if their expedition had been less successful.  I've thought of the Native American populations who helped the Corps, which I could argue then led to near annihilation later.  Would that have happened anyway?  Probably.  Would settlers have been so eager to press west without the information brought back by this first expedition?  Probably.  And yet . . .

I'm thinking of the summer when we first moved here, back in 1998.  We had decided that we wanted to live in South Florida, and we had decided to take the summer to move down to see what we could make happen, after trying the traditional route of getting a job first but having no luck.  We knew that if it didn't work out, we could move back to South Carolina.  But within weeks of our move, I was offered a 1 year position at the community college.  I said yes, and I resigned from my South Carolina job.  I was both thrilled and terrified.

Our PBS station was showing the Ken Burns documentary about Lewis and Clark, which featured the Stephen Ambrose book Undaunted Courage, and I found it oddly comforting, especially as I thought about the ways that their journey had taken twists and turns they didn't expect--and yet, they were still a success.

Yesterday, I sent a link to Jane Friedman's blog post to several friends.  It's the first time I've read anyone being quite this honest about what they earned in their first year of freelancing, and what she did to get ready to make that leap.  I've heard Jane Friedman speak about the writing life several times, and she's always inspiring.  Yet if you look at her pie chart, you'll see that she earns money in many ways, not just by writing.

Right now, I'm relatively happy with my work life, so I'm not looking to make this leap just yet.  But I'll always be interested in people who are carving out a life that's more in line with their values.  I'll always be interested in stories of people who make a way out of no way.  I'll always be interested in stories of people who explore interiors and exteriors of all sorts.

This morning, as I was considering the Lewis and Clark and all the ways we live our lives, I came across this poem, part of my first chapbook, Whistling Past the Graveyard.  It combines history and psychology in interesting ways.  I wrote it in my adjuncting years that came after the 1 year position, when I wondered if I'd ever find a full-time job again.  I did--I took a teaching job at the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale.  It sounded awful on paper:  a 5-5-6-6 teaching load.  But it had benefits, both the traditional kind of health insurance, and the benefit of a salary I could count on.  And through the years, that job had other benefits:  getting to design and teach interesting classes, wonderful colleagues, interesting students, unforeseen opportunities.



Daunted Courage


Again, I sail into this landlocked sea,
a pool of despair ringed by mountains
of misery. I search for Northwest Passage,
a quicker way to chart my path
through this depressing landscape.

Lewis and Clark forged their way across
a continent. Why can’t I do the same?
Where are my native guides? Why do they hide
in the landscape, an ominous screen of hooded eyes?
Why can’t I lift my hand in a friendly
gesture, simply ask for help?

I am no fearless explorer of my emotional
terrain. Instead, a runaway slave, I feel my way
through unfamiliar territory with no map
and only a rough understanding of the language.
I keep an eye on the North Star
and inch forward under cover of darkness.