I have a deep weariness. It's interesting to pay attention to my levels of weariness, which are often only somewhat connected to how much sleep I'm getting. This week's weariness has to do with last week's news, and the realization that this level of bad news of our incivility and worse is the new normal--or are we just back to what was always normal? This week's weariness has to do with the fact that we're at week 1 of our new quarter, which means longer hours at work. This week's weariness has to do with the home repairs, which are progressing, but we're still far from done.
I'm so weary that I can't even envision what would fill my well. I want to write, but my brain feels dehydrated. It's been awhile since I had a good meal, but nothing sounds appetizing. I'd like to sleep, but in a room that doesn't also contain a refrigerator and other items stored there for a home remodel.
I realize that I might sound like I'm depressed, but I'm not depressed so much as I am just bone tired. And have I mentioned that our daily temperatures are still in the 90's? People in Social Media Land are beginning to post their lovely pictures of apple orchards and pumpkin patches, and I am so tired of all my summer clothes. And my summer clothes take up most of the space in my closet.
Part of my brain says, "Let's shake off this weariness! Let's remind ourselves of the ways we're blest." I think of what has just happened in Indonesia, with the earthquake and tsunami. My home repairs are nothing compared to that. I remind myself that I have a job that I like and various communities that care about me. I will write again--why, just last week, I was exulting over my first piece of flash fiction that actually works. Along with my weariness at the thought of eating has come weight loss.
Let me go out to the cottage where my clothes have been hanging since July, when our Great Flooring Project started. Let me choose some clothes for today. Then I'll go to spin class.