One Last Look Back at AWP

A week ago, I'd be on my way to San Antonio for the AWP convention.  I've spent a week thinking about all the decisions so many of us made.  I don't know why I do this--it's not like we have a time machine and can go back to change anything.  But let me take a moment and capture some of these thoughts.

--Will I look back in horror at what all we risked by gathering as a group?  Or will I wonder what the big fuss was all about?  Will I think about how we thought it was so minor/major, but it was really the opposite?

--I knew that some of the events and panels would be canceled, but I was surprised that it turned out to be about half of them.   In some ways, that was fine. It's the kind of conference that usually offers 30 panels per time slot, so it's impossible to feel like I can do much of it at all.  And yet, as the week went on, and more and more of the panels I would have liked to attend were canceled, I started to feel a bit cheated.

--As I read about some of the places where people went in San Antonio, I've started wishing that I had had more time.  We never made it to the Pearl district.  We didn't go to any of the museums.  There were so many restaurants that we didn't try.

--And I'm filled with some other regrets.  Why didn't I take advantage of a book fair that was less crowded?  Why didn't I make some effort to connect to publishers?  I could go on and on like this.

--And then part of me thinks that if I had known then (the mythical then) what I know now, I might have subtracted a day or two from the trip.  It would have been less expense for one thing.  I'm always a bit aghast when we get the bill for the hotel room.

--The cost of the conference experience (which includes airfare and hotel) is astonishing.  Some years, I feel like it's a good deal.  Years like this one, when so much of the conference was canceled, I'm not so sure.

--In some ways, these feelings are cyclical. I go to conferences for awhile, hoping for opportunities and enrichment, and then I begin to think it's not worth the money. Then I don't go for awhile, and then I go again and love the experience so much--and the cycle begins again.