Those were the thoughts that woke me up much too early this morning. Each morning, a different set of panicky thoughts jolts me from sleep around midnight to 2 a.m. For several weeks, I have rarely fallen back asleep.
This morning, I was rereading chapter 1 of Cynthia Bourgeault's Mystical Hope as I prepared to sketch. On p. 12, I underlined this text: "The spiritual life can only be lived in the present moment, in the now. All the great religious traditions insist upon this simple but difficult truth. When we go rushing ahead into the future or shrinking back into the past, we miss the hand of God, which can only touch us in the now."
I started making a list to describe "the now," only to realize that much of what was in my head is worry about the near future. Interesting.
A few weeks ago, I was expecting a full lockdown across the nation. Then President Trump changed his message and changed it again and changed it again, never heading back towards the more stringent approach. The governor of my state of Florida doesn't seem inclined to issue a shelter in place order, and under the order from the county, the amount of staff needed to keep a college operating online are allowed to assemble.
If we are not required to go into complete lockdown mode, we may be able to survive, at least from the perspective of the faculty. I am unsure what to do to help our students, since they are not allowed on campus.
This experience has taught me one thing: I don't want to work remotely all the time. I don't want to be required to work from home, as all my important stuff to get my job done is at my office and on the school computer network, which I can't access from home. I would like the option to work from home, when it would be easier to work from home. I would like more flexibility.
Well, I suppose I should get ready for work. I'm still heading into the office each day. Each day, I wonder if it will be my last day heading into the office. Welcome to the plague fugue state.
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