Making a Graduation Video

This week, the world seems divided into two factions--no, not liberal/conservative, pro-police/pro-demonstrator, pro-Trump/pro-someone else.  No, I'm talking about those who can make a video without thinking twice about it, and those of us who find it much more time consuming.

To be fair, I often don't care too much about the result, and so on those days, I'm in the first camp.  I do a morning watch on my church's Facebook page each morning:  some readings, a 5-7 minute quiet time for journaling/sketching/meditating, and a prayer or two.  Before I hit the Go Live button, I might fluff up my hair, and I try to have on a different shirt each morning from the morning before.  but for the most part, I spend no time practicing, no time on make up or hair, and the first take is the only take.

But yesterday was a different experience.  Like most other schools, my school is doing a virtual graduation, so we're all creating videos where we express our good wishes.  I spent hours on that project yesterday--yes, hours.  I wanted to get the words just right, and then the way I said the words, and I decided to do the video wearing my academic gown.  I played with camera angles and backgrounds.  I screwed up the delivery.  My eyes looked shifty, so I did it again.

Over and over again, I made a video.  I'm fairly pleased with what I have, and at some point, it's not going to be any closer to perfect to justify spending any more time on it.

I'm trying not to be too concerned about how I wish I looked different:  prettier, thinner, whiter teeth, hair either more or less tamed, with different lighting.  I'm trying not to be too concerned, but some days, I'm failing.

I'm struck by how when I was younger, I was less critical of my looks, but I hated the sound of my voice on tape.  Now I like my voice, but I have to be very careful not to let myself fall down the spiral of self-loathing.  It could take me years to claw my way back to equilibrium.

I keep trying to remember that this video is not about me, while at the same time remembering that this event will be momentous for most of our students, so it does deserve something better than a haphazard approach.

I think I've struck the right balance.  At the same time, I wish I was better at all of this.