Artifacts from the Deep Freeze of the Cold War

We're always warned of what will happen when our friends start posting pictures from our wayward, misspent youth. Here's a picture that a college friend recently posted of me, which must have been taken around 1985 or so. I'm the one with the braided hair. The woman on the left is my very most favorite undergraduate English teacher, Dr. Swanson. Note the bumpersticker on the wall which says, "Support Your Local Rhetorician." Who would have dreamed how many years I would spend doing just that?

My first thought: was I ever really that thin? And then, how young!

I thought of those years again this week, when my dad wrote to tell me that his Barbershop group appears on Russian television--not because they travelled to Russia, but because they were performing in Alexandria's Market Square when a Russian film crew saw them. More filming ensued, and now my dad, the retired Air Force colonel, invades the Russian air waves. His e-mail which told of this adventure made me think back to those undergraduate years of the mid 1980's, the deep freeze of the cold war years, when my dad and I argued about the U.S.S.R.

It may not surprise you when I tell you that my youthful rebellion was to read Marx. My father said, "You've never read The Communist Manifesto! You don't know what you're talking about!"

So, I marched right over to B. Dalton Booksellers (ah, another artifact of days gone by!) and bought my very own copy--which I proceeded to read in public, on the D.C. Metro, during the height of Ronald Reagan's regime.

Years later, I wrote this poem, which first appeared in The Julia Mango and will also be included in my forthcoming chapbook, I Stand Here Shredding Documents:

Morning in America: 1984


I read The Communist Manifesto on the DC Metro,
surrounded by commuters going to their downtown jobs
and tourists in town to see their government in action.

I wear sensible shoes and my hair in a braid.
I work in a tough part of town, that summer
that DC has the nation’s highest murder rate.

That season is also the one when the social
service agency runs out of resources. My summer job:
to answer the phone, to tell the downtrodden there is no money.

Between calls, I return to Marx. I picture
him, prowling the streets of Europe, winding up in the British
Museum, where he could write and stay warm.

I write my own poems. I imagine they will change
the world, that all I must do to rid the planet of injustice
is to point out the inequities, nothing to lose but our chains.

The Bossy Hairdresser and Pleasure Caves of Ice

A week ago, my sister and I went to have our hair done, while my mom, dad, and spouse took my nephew to the Grinch on Ice show. That show didn't turn out to be an Ice Capades event, but this amazing feat wherein part of a luxury hotel and grounds were turned into frozen wonders: an ice slide, ice sculptures of huge proportion, a castle one could walk through to see these sculptures and slides.

I think of past times, times of enormous spectacle while parts of the empire burned or starved or fell into the pit of despair. Surely when historians look back on our time, they'll point to these kind of extravaganzas, where expert ice carvers from China are flown in to transform luxury hotels into ice palaces that holiday revelers will pay huge bucks to enter for a brief moment. Will we see it as ruinous portent or as the miracle of globalization?

Lots of potential metaphors here--feel free to use them. Or maybe Coleridge has already done it best in Kubla Khan: "It was a miracle of rare device, / A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!" (lines 31-36).


So, while part of the family went off to the pleasure dome of ice, my sister and I had our hair done. I sat in the chair to tell the hairdresser what I wanted (shorter, shoulder length, lots of layers) and she told me why I didn't want that. Fair enough. She's the expert. She said, "And what are you doing with your bangs here?" I've almost always had bangs, the better to cover my forehead. She said I had a wonderful forehead, that women with foreheads that are small should have bangs, but that I had a different face, that my bangs needed to be swept to the side, that I needed to let them grow longer.

She swept my hair to the side and said, "See? See how your eyes are no longer hidden?" She put my bangs back the way I had them and asked, "See how your eyes just disappear?" My sister nodded in agreement. So, I nodded too.

I'm open to change. So, I'll grow my bangs out a bit and see. One thing I won't be doing is blow drying my hair into perfect straightness, the way that she was able to do. I don't have the upper body strength for that. It took a good half hour with a blow dryer and brush to get my hair just the way that she wanted it.

I have some friends who wonder why I would let a hairdresser be bossy that way, why I would submit to what she wanted, rather than insist on what I, the customer wanted.

Well, I've always loved those makeover features in magazines. I've always wondered if there's not a lipstick out there that might be more perfect, if there's not a hair-do that would completely transform me. I know that part of the appeal is that a hair-do or a lipstick is an easy solution. Losing 30 pounds would also transform me, but it can't be done in an afternoon. There are any number of plastic surgeries that would make me look different, but that's a bit extreme.

Besides, the hairdresser is a gorgeous woman--why argue with her wisdom?

In the week since our various outings, I've been thinking about other aspects of my life, when I'm willing to submit to the opinions of others, and when I'm not. I've managed to avoid the cultural conditioning that so many women submit to, that conditioning that has women ironing clothes the night before surgery, the conditioning that makes us think we have to do the vacuuming/dishes/laundry/dusting/mopping/scrubbing before we let ourselves do creative tasks (and thus, the creative work is never begun, yet alone finished).

Would I be a better poet if I submitted my poems to outside critics and tried to do what they said? Maybe.

The title of my first chapbook was originally "Pies in Heaven." The publisher thought it would sell better if we changed it to "Whistling Past the Graveyard." I authorized the change. After all, she's the publisher, and she has more of a sense of the market. Should I have insisted on the integrity of my original vision?

I wanted my work out in the world, reaching as many readers as possible. I thought the new title actually worked better for the collection as a whole. I haven't lost much sleep over the title change.

Likewise at work: I'll change that document in whichever way the higher powers want. I grow weary of the folks in charge not deciding on a uniform vision before the work is started, but at least we have a computer to make the changes easy.

My dad would speculate that perhaps the computer has made change a little too easy, and thus we revise again and again. He made that comment years ago, as I revised the conclusion of my dissertation for the umpteenth time. He said that back in his day, when most people paid a typist to do the work that our own fingers now do, committees didn't require as many revisions, because it would have been seen as a lot more expense. But now, because it's relatively easy (cut! paste! zip! zap!), we're stuck in revision hell.

I think of writer's groups that I've been part of, of perfectly fine short stories or poems, revised again and again, and often, the revised version was no more wonderful than the original version.

Yes, sometimes revision is necessary to correct a ghastly mistake, to fill a hole, to fix the inconsistencies. But after a certain point, we're just doing busy work because we're afraid to declare it done.

So, is my quest for the perfect hair-do that kind of busy work? Should I just declare myself done? Or is it more like the revision work that one does with the early chunk of a novel, once the later chunks are done and the characters/plots/symbols revealed?

Ah, the work of creating our best selves, our best work, work that is solid, not just a pleasure cave of ice that will melt away without a lot of fossil fuels to keep it intact.

Fairy Tales and the 21st Century Poet

Today is the birthday of Jacob Grimm, who, with his little brother Wilhelm, collected hundreds of fairy tales. Most of my students are only familiar with these fairy tales because they've seen the Disney movies; they are often shocked, and sometimes horrified, to read the originals.

The subject of fairy tales and the actual fairy tales can lead to all sorts of interesting questions (which could lead to interesting essays in the Composition or the Intro to Lit classes). I begin with one of the most obvious questions: Would you read these to your child? And then it's easy to move to this fruitful question: what's the message here for children? Of course, we think we would do no such abusive thing like read dark fairy tales to our own children, which can lead to the next writing prompt: where do we see similar darkness in today's popular culture for children? And then there can be the fun writing; students could write their own fairy tales--and if you're an ambitious teacher, have them write analytical essays that deconstruct their own fairy tales.

I've been thinking about writing prompts for me. I submitted a proposal for the College English Association, which is being held right in my backyard this year (well, not right in my backyard, but 5 hours away in St. Petersburg)--it was accepted! My paper will look at the way that women poets of the mid-20th century used fairy tales and compare to the way that women poets are using fairly tales now. My thesis will likely be that while women poets have used fairy tales to explore what it means to be a woman in society, 2oth century women poets didn't focus on issues of work the way that 21st century women are. There's also the issue of technology, which might have shifted (Cyborgia, a volume I first heard about from Kathleen Kirk's blog post, is currently on its way to me!).

If you think of any poems based on fairy tales that I absolutely must see, let me know. Any and all suggestions welcome.

I've also been thinking about interviewing some poets who are using fairy tales in their work. At first, I thought I wanted these interviews for my academic paper. Now I'm thinking that it might make an interesting series for the blog. I'm also thinking it would make a great book, particularly if I broadened the focus so that I'm not just focusing on fairy tales. If you're a poet using fairy tales (and/or other types of popular culture) and would be open to an e-mail interview, I'd love to hear from you.

Full disclosure: I've never interviewed anyone in quite this way. It would be a new art form for me. But I've spent my life from adolescence onward avidly devouring these kinds of interviews. So, if we should write in genres that we love, perhaps it's time for me to explore the idea of interviewing authors and other creative types.

2011 Book List

Over the past several weeks, I've been compiling this list. My lists are always heavy on the recently published, and this year is no exception. I've been looking at best of 2010 lists (most of the fiction comes from The New York Times top 100 books of 2010) and of course, I've been talking to people about what they've read.

So, here's the list. Obviously, I'll be reading more than these books, but I'd like to have read (or attempted and abandoned) these by Dec. 31, 2011.


Fiction:


In a way, my first book feels like cheating, since my book club has already decided to discuss it in 2 weeks. Guess I'd better get cracking!

1. The Lost Books of the Odyssey by Zachary Mason

2. Generosity by Richard Powers


This book got a glowing review in The Washington Post. It sounds like a novel that's both readable and ambitious (a book that deals with big themes--who are we if we can medicate away our persistent personality traits? a book that does different things with narrative). In fact, it sounds like Mason's book and this one are experimental. Hmm. I haven't always liked experimental writing, even though I wrote my M.A. thesis on James Joyce. But let me maintain an open mind.

3. The Lotus Eaters by Tatjana Soli

This book wound up on many a person's list. It sounds like an important contribution to Literature of the Vietnam War.

4. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Another addition that feels like a cheat, since I'm already partly done with it (although I didn't start it until Dec. 31). I thoroughly enjoyed The Corrections when I read it, so I looked forward to this one. And even with all the controversies that swirl around Franzen, I'm still open to his work. As I've been reading, there have been times when I had to set the book aside because the characters were so unlikable, and I could sense Franzen's disdain for them. How could he spend the amount of time with these characters that was necessary to write this book when he didn't even like the characters? Sheesh.

5. The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman

This book got raves from an NPR commentator, and it's linked short stories, a form which fascinates me.

6. Room by Emma Donaghue


When I first heard the premise of this book, I shuddered. But after hearing Donaghue on the Diane Rehm show, and after hearing the praises that so many people heaped on the book, I decided to add it to the list.

Non-Fiction

7. Just Kids by Patti Smith


I determined to read this book a year ago, when a Washington Post reviewer called it the best book about being an artist ever. Ever??!!! Well, sign me up!

8. Changing my Mind by Zadie Smith


I love the novels of Zadie Smith, so I'm interested to read her essays.

9. Hamlet’s Blackberry by William Powers


A technology book needs to be on the list, and this will be the one.

10. The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson


I love this title--and from what I've read of the reviews, the rest of the books should be a winner.

11. History Matters: Patriarchy and the Challenge of Feminism by Judith Bennett


A book I didn't get to last year--it sounded important, and challenging, and I need more of that in my life.

12. A Cheerful and Comfortable Faith: Anglican Religious Practice in the Elite Households of Eighteenth-Century Virginia by Lauren Winner


I've liked Winner's other works, which read more like memoir than anything else. I'm interested to see how she handles academic writing. History, theology, and insight about the daily life of colonists--let me give it a whirl.

13. One Life by Scot McNight

I haven't read Scot McNight yet, so let me start with his latest. It's getting harder and harder for me to find new theologians whom I like to read. Let's see about this one.

14. Curating Worship by Mark Pierson

I've been seeing the idea of curating things (a website, a career, an online presence) used as metaphor. Let's see how it's done with worship. My pastor is also reading this book, and he raves about it. Can we actually accomplish some of the ideas in the book, ideas that aren't exactly familiar to Lutherans? We shall see.

15. The Heroine's Bookshelf: Life Lessons From Jane Austen to Laura Ingalls Wilder
by Erin Blakemore

I just heard about this book yesterday, and I like the premise, which is evident in the title.

My other reading goals? To keep buying and reading complete volumes of poetry (and to remember to add those to my record keeping). I'd like to do more to mention what I'm reading in this blog. Some weeks I'm good at that, but other weeks I'm not.

Will this be the year that I read more books via computer? I can read on a desktop screen more easily than some typefaces in books (I'm having real trouble with the Franzen book, for example--I've tried all sorts of combinations of reading glasses and contact lenses and still, there's some blurriness that doesn't exist when I turn my eyes to other books or the computer screen). I won't buy an iPad yet, since my brother-in-law tells me that this will be the year that Apple releases the next version, which will likely be the same price as the 2010 version and do more (a camera! but will it have a phone? then my hand held needs would be complete-ish--oh, heck, let it also do word processing too--and maybe do the vacuuming--now that would be a true help!).

Now it's back to the realities of life. First day at spin class, first day back at strength training. I've got to finish up an assessment document, and I just found out that one of our adjuncts won't be back with us when classes start next week--luckily, I have some people to contact. Back to meetings and coordinating and dealing with so many different personalities. Let me please remember the example of that TSA agent. Let me please treat people well in this week of many stresses.

2011 Book Give-Away: #1

Are you facing 2011 feeling uninspired? Then this week's book give-away is for you: Idea Catcher: An Inspiring Journal for Writers. Each page has a writing prompt at the top and plenty of space for writing beneath the prompt. I haven't written in any of the pages.



This book was published in 1995 by Story Press. It's very close to new.

Want to win your own copy? Leave me a comment. On the morning of January 9, I'll have a drawing, and if your name is chosen, not only will you receive this book, but I'll include a surprise book. The books are yours: to keep forever, to pass along, to donate, whatever you like.

If you like the idea of a book give-away, you might also check out my theology blog, where I'm giving away a book and a surprise book each week. This week's book isn't too theological: Geneen Roth's Women Food and God. To be considered for that drawing, you'll need to go here and leave a comment.

2010 in Review: The Reader's Report

Once again, I've managed to read most of the books on my list. That's why I engage in this exercise: it helps focus my mind when it comes time to choose books to read. Plus, it helps me remember what I wanted to read. Let's see how I did:

1. The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain by Barbara Strauch

I wanted to read this book when I read Barbara Strauch's article in The New York Times. Then I heard her on an NPR show (Diane Rehm?), and I could hardly wait. Alas, between the article and the interview, I had already heard/read all of the important ideas in this book by the time I read it (read my review here).

2. My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor

This book has been on my list since I read an article in O magazine by Jill Bolte Taylor. Again, the book disappointed, since I felt like I had already read the most important ideas. However, if I ever face recovery from a stroke (either my own stroke or a loved one's stroke), I want to remember to reread the last chunk of the book.

3. New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton


I never returned to this one (it was on my 2009 list too).

4. After the Baby Boomers: How Twenty- and Thirty-Somethings Are Shaping the Future of Religion by Robert Wuthnow

I read this. It's fairly basic ethnographical sociology. Good to have numbers to back up what I already suspected. Read my review here or peruse some quotes here.

5. The Liturgical Year: The Spiraling Adventure of the Spiritual Life by Joan Chittister

Another fairly basic book, but good if you don't already have this information (read my review here).

6. The Sacred Meal by Nora Gallagher


Another book that didn't open new worlds to me, but I liked it anyway (read my review here).

7. The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller


I didn't make it through this book, but I read several chapters. Keller comes from a much more conservative background than I do, and I just couldn't force myself through it.

8. When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins


I read this on the plane during my last trip. It, too, didn't tell me much that I didn't already know, but reading it was like reading an old friend. Ah, the feminists of the 60's and 70's--how I miss them!

9. History Matters: Patriarchy and the Challenge of Feminism by Judith Bennett


I didn't get to this one. I'll probably add it to my 2011 list.

10. The Pattern in the Carpet: A Personal History with Jigsaws by Margaret Drabble

I read this one, too, on the airplane. It told me more about games and jigsaws than I cared about knowing. I wanted to know more about the life of a writer, which Margaret Drabble didn't talk much about at all. Impressively researched for a mass-market book--I just wish that the subject matter captivated me.

11. Literary Life: A Second Memoir by Larry McMurtry

Very short, but interesting--interesting enough to make me wish there had been more depth.

12. Gail Godwin's Unfinished Desires.


I loved this novel all the way through.

13. Lorrie Moore's A Gate at the Stairs.


I liked the first part, not the last half.

14. Richard Russo's That Old Cape Magic.

A wonderful read, as Richard Russo so often is.

15. Zoe Heller's The Believers.


Not such a great read--utterly unlikeable characters.

16. Barbara Kingsolver's latest, The Lacuna.

Another disappointment, the only Kingsolver work I haven't been able to finish.

Well, how interesting to look at this list and to see how many books disappointed me. But happily, there were others. I read 60books this year (60! Cool--not as many as some years, but more than I'd thought--and that number doesn't count the volumes of poetry). About five of those books I didn't actually finish, but I devoted enough time and attention (time I will never get back!) that I feel I should count them in the total.

Some delights:

--I discovered Lionel Shriver. Wow. What a writer.

--Michael Cunningham's By Nightfall was a treat.

--my vote for best novel of 2010: Jennifer Egan's A Visit from the Goon Squad.

--I loved Justin Cronin's The Passage. While I'm thrilled that it will be a trilogy, it's hard for me to imagine keeping track of those characters across the years to come. He's a skilled writer, so hopefully he'll figure out a way to help me with that.

--Bill McKibben's Eaarth confirmed what I suspected: the planet has been irreversibly changed. Everywhere I go, people talk about the unpredictability of the weather--it's just going to get more wild and unpredictable.

I also read Anna Karenina for the first time ever (indeed, the first time I'd ever read a novel by any of the great Russians). I liked parts of it, and parts of it drove me mad with frustration. I was pleased with myself for soldiering through. This book was on my 2009 list, and I'm glad I got back to it.

Yes, I will continue to record what I read, although I haven't found a good way to keep track of all the online reading I do. I read several newspapers, various blogs, all sorts of things that I imagine would add up to many, many pages if I read them in the paper world. I don't have an e-reader yet, but I'm beginning to see their appeal.

And I'm in the process of creating my reading list for 2011--that's tomorrow's post.

Don't forget to come back later this morning for the book give-away!

Goals, Writerly and Otherwise, for 2011

Happy New Year! We had a peaceful evening, and I had a good rest. Yesterday we went to Michaels to stock up on Christmas cards for next year (yes, I know, I have yet to send out cards for this year; I'm beginning to think it might not happen) and to use our 40% off coupon on the very last day that we could use it (I'm seeing a procrastination theme here). We came home with the coolest thing--this device, cardboard over a tiny light that essentially transforms a darkened room into a planetarium. Through the years we've experimented with transporting the night sky into a dark room, with varying degrees of success. This planetarium like thing is the most successful yet--and we only spent $6!

All this by way of saying that we spent a chunk of time on New Year's Eve lying on our backs, enchanted by the faux night sky. It was a delightful way to spend New Year's Eve, far better than trying to be happy at a huge party (I'm not good at that) or some community gathering.

But here we are, in the still-shadowed light of morning, and it's time to think about what I want to accomplish this year. Tomorrow, I'll focus on reading, both my 2010 reading list and my 2011 reading list. And tomorrow marks the debut of what may become a regular feature on this blog and my theology blog: the book give-away. Each week, I'll post the book I'm giving away, and people who want to enter the drawing will have a week to post a comment. I'll be mailing the posted book and a surprise book each week. Which leads me to my first goal (or suggestion, a term Kelli Russell Agodon gives us here).

Organization:

We've lived in this house for 12 years. Twelve years!!! How is this possible? Anyway, gone are the days when we moved every year, which exhausting though it may be, does force one to sort through one's stuff. So, this year, it's time to sort through stuff, particularly my bookcases. I'm holding on to many books that I know I will never read again, books that I don't particularly care about possessing. It's time to set some of my stuff free!

Writing Goals

Let me just capture them here:

--Write in my paper journal once a week.

--Continue blogging and being open to new blogging opportunities.

--Write a poem a week: Let me define what I mean by poem, which is not what I meant yesterday, when I created my accomplishments list. I want a poem a week that is as finished as I can make it.

--Continue to send out submissions, both of manuscripts and individual poems.

--Write the short stories that my linked collection will need. Do the revising of the existing stories that the linked collection will need. Have the linked collection finished by this time next year.

--Book Promotion: I'm seeing this year's AWP as a practice run for next year (this year's AWP isn't as scary, because I have family in the area and I know the city and feel confident about my ability to use public transit). I will force myself to go to Chicago in 2012, I will force myself to promote my chapbook.

Other ways of book promotion: making bookmarks. Making business cards. Creating order forms. Remembering to carry those with me. Creating a video promotion series for the book. Sending out additional postcards.

I should also start to think in terms of lining up readings. Will this be the year that my mom and I complete our goal/dream of doing a poetry and organ presentation? My mom is one of the best musicians I know.

--Other projects: I'd like to work on some book-length projects that my mom and I have been discussing, theology books and/or worship books for small children. Could we do it? We have an audience with my sister's child. He won't be our target age group much longer.

Creative Goals

--Collaging. I'd like to have one day a month where I experiment with old-fashioned collage (by which I mean cutting up magazines and pasting).

--More bread baking.

Technology

--learn to make better sound recordings. Perhaps it is time to invest in some equipment?

--learning to make better sound recordings would help me create better book promotion videos and videopoems.

Personal Improvement

--Weight Loss: In early October, one of our spin instructors offered us an opportunity to try to lose 10 pounds before Christmas. She would take our measurements at the beginning, and we'd weigh in each week. I had some trepidations about this (particularly the weigh-ins, which I worried would be shaming and would drive me to eat more), but I signed up. I lost just under 10 pounds in 10 weeks! I'd like to see if I could lose 10 pounds every quarter of 2011. I'd like to continue to be more mindful of my eating--and my drinking, which may do more to derail me than my eating. I was successful in cutting in half the amount of sugar I use in my coffee during 2010 (I used to routinely drink 1/4 to 1/2 cup of sugar in a day's worth of coffee--now it's half that). And during the 10 pounds in 10 weeks process, I was successful in being mindful about my wine consumption. I don't want to eliminate--just be watchful.

--Add more fruits and veggies. Some weeks I'm good at consuming plenty of fruits and veggies. Other weeks, not so much. I'd like to continue to do things that work: a fruit smoothie for breakfast, a V8 juice during the day, baby carrots carried with me for snacks, veggie soups for meals in the office, desserts that help me with my more fruits/veggies goal (pumpkin bread, apple crisp, pumpkin pudding, berry crumbles).

--Exercise: I've gotten a bit off track in the last few weeks. I'd like to get back to doing a bit of strength training, and to exercise on Tuesdays and Thursdays (running, ideally, but walking will be fine too). I've been good at going to spin class on MWF (and Saturdays, when I'm in town). I plan to continue to do that.

Spiritual

I talked about my spiritual goals for 2011 at this post on my theology blog.

Relationships

--I'd like to be more present in my relationships with people. I feel distracted and disrupted. I want to be more attentive.

--I want to be like that TSA agent, who greeted everyone with such joy and enthusiasm in the Baltimore airport on the morning of Dec. 29. I especially want to exhibit this trait in the workplace. I want to be patient, but so much more, I want to see the value in each human who crosses my path--and I want each human to leave an encounter with me feeling any one of the following: enriched, helped, listened to, respected, engaged . . .

Closing Thoughts

I fear I've made too many goals, listed too many suggestions. But it's good to have them written down in one place. It will be good to return, good to check on my progress. And, as with my reading goals, I expect to be surprised by accomplishing things that aren't on this list, and to toss out some things that once seemed important, but may be eclipsed by other needs and goals.